we have officially lost it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
