Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
