Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
