he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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