I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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