The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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