He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It was confusing and full of hummus
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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