The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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