I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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