eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize