Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
