I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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