false alarm. still invincible.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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