No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize