You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
