Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
