she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
