I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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