i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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