..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
