so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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