The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
