This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This girl is more easily done than said...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I love you. Go after that dick
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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