You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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