I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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