Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
