Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
