Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
