THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
