Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
