Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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