I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
