I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
