David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
