her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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