i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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