dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
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While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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