i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
