If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
