he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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