I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
