as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
