He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
