Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where does the pee come out of this thing
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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