Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
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Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
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I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine