he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
