I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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