Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
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It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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