so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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