College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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