Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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