I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So squirting runs in the family.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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