i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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