so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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