you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
