I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
