i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it was like eating out sand paper
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
