Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
