No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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