I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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