ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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