This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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