Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
