i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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