i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
