Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i think i just lost a toe
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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