Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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