the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
