i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
