Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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