I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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