My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
