I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Operation Purity has been aborted
There's always time for handjobs
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you never un-have a 4some
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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